Patrick Kane is in Trouble With the Law

On Sunday, Chicago Blackhawks’ captain Patrick Kane was arrested for assaulting a cab driver in his hometown of Buffalo, NY. According to the cabby’s account, the scuffle occurred because Kane handed the driver $15 for a $13.80 fare, and the cabby did not have 20 cents of change. An argument ensued that resulted in Kane and his cousin James hitting the driver several times and saying things like “you don’t know who you’re f---ing with!”

The following telephone conversation between Kane and Chicago Blackhawks’ GM, Stan Bowman, occurred shortly after the arrest was made, and it shows that the fight wasn’t really about money.

Stan Bowman: Geez Pat. Fighting a cab driver? Why are you acting like Ray Emery?

Patrick Kane: The cabby didn’t have enough change for me, Stan! First, what kind of cabby doesn’t have change? That’s like a hooker going to work without rubbers. It doesn’t make sense! And second, how could he do that to ME?

SB: What do you mean how could he do that to you?

PK: I mean doesn’t he know who I am? I’m the f---ing alternate captain of the Chicago Blackhawks for god’s sake. It’s an original six team! I’m going to have my picture on the cover of NHL 2010!

SB: Yeah, I’m sure the 53 year old cabbie has played a lot of X-box, Pat. Hell, even if he had, you think he or anyone else in the States plays NHL video games? And he’s an American, he probably can’t even locate Buffalo on a map, let alone Chicago.

PK: Stan, when I go to Vancouver, or anywhere in Canada for a game, they treat me like a superstar. Clubs let me in for free. I don’t even bother with cabs, there’s free limo service everywhere! And everyone wants to take pictures with me and take my autograph! That’s what I’m talking about.

SB: Pat, just remember this: if you play hockey in Canada, you get fame and fortune. If you play in America, you get to hang out in a freezing cold building when it’s sunny outside.

PK: Crap. Maybe I should go on Dancing With the Stars, I hear that could make me famous.

SB: Yeah, maybe you can practice your dancing in jail when some dude makes you his bitch. Good luck with that.