Brian Burke Discusses Future of Leafs With Dave Nonis

The readers loved reading about the inside dealings between Shane O’Brien’s agent, Larry Kelly, and Mike Gillis, so we’ve decided to add some more posts that have been caught by our hidden microphones. The following is a conversation between Toronto Maple Leafs’ GM Brian Burke, and assistant GM Dave Nonis, captured two days before the 2009 Entry Draft.

Brian Burke: Dave, do you know which of our player acquisitions I consider to be our best move so far?

Dave Nonis: Which one, boss?

BB: Getting Brad May from the Ducks.

DN: Really? I didn’t think he was that amazing last year. He only had 7 points.

BB: That doesn’t matter! Anytime we have success with any of my ex-Canucks, it is vindication for us!

DN: Oh, ok. I think I get it.

BB: So Dave, who’s going to be available as free agents this year.

DN: Well, there’s Marian Hossa, Marian Gaborik, Saku Koivu, Alex Kovalev, Mike Cammalleri…

BB: Boring, keep going.

DN: Brian Gionta, Martin Havlat, Mike Komisarek, Brendan Morrison…

BB: STOP! Brendan Morrison is available? One of my Canucks! Let’s sign him!

DN: Do you think he’s still valuable?

BB: Dave, I traded for B. Mo years ago, and I am always right about talent. His best years are still to come, you’ll see. Everyone will see!

DN: Ok, what should we offer? I think he might sign for $1 million since there are no offers on the table.

BB: What? No way, we should offer at least $5 million.

DN: But boss, he only had 31 points last season, and he’s injury prone.

BB: Are you kidding? When we sign him for $5 million, those Vancouver idiots will realize what they missed out on, and they’ll wish they had never fired me! Just like when we signed Bertuzzi for $4.5 million in Anaheim! That sure showed them.

DN: Ok… if you say so boss.

BB: Absolutely. So is anyone else available?

DN: Well, since you like Canucks so much, if they don’t manage to sign them, the Sedin twins will be available on July 1st.

BB: WHAT!? The greatest draft move ever! Pulled off by none other than yours truly. We must get them! Oh, I love the taste of sweet revenge! Forget the draft, we’re flying to Sweden to talk to them!

DN: But sir, the Leafs are in a rebuilding phase, why would we sign two premier scoring forwards right now? Isn’t that a little premature in the process?

BB: Dave, have you understood nothing so far? Have you read our mission statement lately? After “To create a team that fosters excellence on the ice.” I added, “while showing up the Vancouver Canucks.”

DN: But boss, what happened to forgiving and forgetting?

BB: For-who and for-what? Never heard of it. Now get the plane ready, we’re going to Sweden!